I think it was Rich, who mentioned it once or twice.

TIme, for me, is one of them. 

I can’t see it.

I can’t stop it.

I can’t fast forward it.

But I have to feel it.

Clock is keep ticking without running out of its breath.

Some may face the loss of beloved

others rejoice accepting the newborns.

But, no one can stop this world from changing it to tomorrow.

Limit is coming up

It’s like the wall I can never break.

Maybe it is the door to the new beginning.

or

maybe the wall is there to break me.

I can not see what is waiting.

I can not make a promise for the other side. 

I don’t know.

 I just don’t.

Time is still gaining its numbers.

The noiseless scream is echoing in my head.

No one can hear me.

Just silence and meaning less smile.

Lord, I’m leaking. 

then the first whisper

shut down the silent scream.

“It’s going to be ok”

found myself in the arms of God

Then remembered, I am not alone.

time comes and goes by

culture, people, anything could change like nothing else.

Only God.

peace to my heart, light to my feet

 I know, it is going to be ok.

Limit is still chasing after me

It’s like the wall I can never break.

I can not get away. 

the wall is real.

I am still leaning to be able to stand still

how I wish to smile, and really smile

when my nose touches the wall.

How I wish to rejoice and to praise

when i finally get to the other side.

may my spirit rejoice and know He is in control.

Whatever it takes, I have already made my choice.

I know it is going to be ok.

Time is in His hands.

Let me be still and know the truth. 

because I am not, but He is.

My Job: Custodial

His Job: Pastor 

He said sorry, that I have to do what others don’t want to do.

And gave me some encouragements.(First of all, there’s nothing wrong with what he has said tome. He’s awesome guy and I totally love and respect him. ) 

 By the way, this was not the first time people giving me ‘sorry’ s or encouragements. well, I guess this is not the world’s best job I have.
When I clock in, I have to vacuum, change trashes, sweep and mop,waxing, scrub toilets, clean the showers, and set up tables and chairs. 

The thing is, it is not what I have to do, but really, what I get to do.

I get to make His house shine. I get to take care of His bride. 

I get to make Her beautiful.What a honor and privilege  to have a responsibility to take care of His beloved. It’s not just a job to me.

 God has been teaching me so much through this experience.  I may never preach in front of thousand.  But, his is least I can do.

This is how I serve Him till He moves me away to something else.

 But for now, I want to give the best for her, as she deserves it.   It is not just a building I clean.

It is her and is for Him. I love that about my job.

And, this is why I got an iced drink tonight.

I imagined myself enjoying my cup of coffee which happened to be iced,
in my room # 214 that is nice and toasty…most of the time.

Even though it was raining and it still is raining and it will be raining all night till tomorrow.

The reason why all the cafe still serves cold drink during a freezing season is because there’s people like me. Who randomly walks in and gets an iced drink when everyone else gets extra hot.

By the way, I hope you don’t mind seeing me getting hot drink this winter.
Because I definitely will be getting ones.
Since I cannot control the temperature of this planet, I’ll change the temperature of me instead.

F.Y.I.
…Just throwing my thought out there.

What I really needed was to open my heart to you wider,
and worship you deeper.

With arms high in the air
I long to be with you Lord of lords

someday in the sky above, daddy
will you please hold me tight

even the days like today
you are the one who captivates my heart

your love and cross, grace and forgiveness
everything about you causes my heart beats.
gives me a reason to breathe.

I am your servant Lord almighty
I worship you my dad and king
I will sing a song of my heart
all the day of my life.

I don’t need to be stronger
if that causes me to be independent.
Lord, make me weaker
if that the way how I can stay close to you and depend on you.

at least just for now, I won’t say anything else
but, God, just one last thing,
if I can ask you one last thing,
would you please hold me tight

I want to be a reason of your smile.

Said God.

–Just believe–
me still strugle, for doing such a ‘simple’ thing.
me still learning how to do such a ‘simple’ thing.

(my life won’t be so complicated when I finally get to do so.
and God can do so much more within and through my life.)

If the reason why God brought me all the way
from Japan to the U.S.,

was just for one moment to smile at someone
and say hi. to make their day a little better,
or a little more happy.

My life is so worth it.

…How many times did I miss the moments this week?
I forgot to smile, I didn’t say hi, I couldn’t to give hugs…for whatever the excuses.

How many times did I ask God to use me?

Even if the reason why God ever made me,
was just for one day, one moment in my entire life,
to smile at someone and say hi.

that I might be able to touch their life, and make a diffarent in their day,
that they may do great things for Christ later on in their life…

It is so worth living my life for Him.
It is so worth keep smiling at them.

I know, God got a big plan
but He does care about details too, doesn’t He?

I just don’t want to miss that very one moment.

I guess I look different.
I haven’t dyed my hair so dark for ages…
It’s kind of fun to see how people response, or react to it.
Some people like it, some people don’t.
Others, simply don’t care.
Well, it’s always the way it is, when you change something.

I told Ro, that I became Asian.
She laughed and said, I have been always Asian, and Japanese.

Very true.

I’ve been Asian ever since I was born in this planet of earth…why?
What made me Asian?
What makes me Asian?

Is it the place where I was born?
Is it the parents I have?
Is it what is in my blood?
Is it the language I speak?
Is it the country I spend my life the longest?
Is it what it says on my passport?
Is it the personality and characteristics I have?
Is it the tone of my skin?
Is it how wide I can open my eyes?
Is it what is in my heart?
Is it because I can eat and cook fish?

or, is it the colors I have?
….my hair, skin and eyes…

hmm..maybe not. Because I could change those colors if I want to. (or fake it at least.)
Colors don’t make me Asian, but ‘being Asian’ is one of the colors that God has painted on me.
It is permanent, and I cannot erase it.

God made me Asian. My parents didn’t.

He did it, because, He knows my best and worst.
And still, loves me the most.

He did it, because He is the creator, and the greatest artist.
He knew which ‘color’ would be the best for me to live this story of mine…
which , by the way, is written by GOD.

Well, God’s still writing my story,
and still painting me, inside and out.

(Just to make it clear. I’m not trying to talk about racial discrimination at all.
I’m very happy and very Japanese. )

I just simply hope and pray,
With whatever the colors I have, will make me worship deeper, and proclaim the greatness of God louder.
And to receive and share the Gospel, and to love Him and His people in the presence of God that makes me smile.
to expand His kingdom, and to bring Him all of the glory and the honor, with the joy in my heart.

A couple days ago, I dyed my hair black.

But really, God is the one Who’s adding more colors on me and into my life.

He’s still painting.

Well,
I’m still me, very happy and very Asian, who has now, very black hair.

Once clouds cover over the sky, they also color over the city with a tone of darkness.
It doesn’t make me lonely, nor does it make me home sick.
It just brings me back to the day when I was about to loose someone.

It was rainy, it was cold, and it was Fall.

When my ears catch the sounds of rain drops, especially a chilly day at night,
something will swing by, telling me to let the hope go
A whisper of temptation.

And I remember His voice,
asking me to rejoice.

Whatever the situation I’m in,
He is still the same God.

When I don’t find joy in my circumstances, He asks me to rejoice.
When I don’t see the light of sky, He teaches me to shine.

When I don’t see the solution, standing in the chaos,
I learn to trust, and to hold on to the hope.
Sobbing is not the answer, it only makes my eyes shrink.
Someone once said, ‘If understanding all His will is too difficult, why don’t you simply obey?’
I need more of His grace to increase my faith.
There is something more, more than What my eyes could see.

I like a rainy day.
It’s the grace and the precious gift of God,
to remind me, there’s always sun above the heavy gray.
There’s always God working beyond my understanding.

I don’t love this season.

but, I like the rain.

He is a good God, who will always bring a blue sky before I forget its color and its value.
I wonder if it’s going to rain tonight.